


she is fearfully and wonderfully made

by wariangle



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, F/F, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:23:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1736075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wariangle/pseuds/wariangle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wonders if she is carrying a child or a scientific experiment. She wonders what the fetus in her womb is to her and if she will be able to carry it to term. She wonders if the girl will have Delphine's eyes or perhaps her smile.</p><p>Cosima and Delphine make a baby. With science.</p>
            </blockquote>





	she is fearfully and wonderfully made

**Author's Note:**

> You can all probably guess what scene inspired this.
> 
> Also, I'm a literature major for a reason which means the science is a bit fuzzy around the edges and mostly vaguely referred to as "science."

The stirrups feel uncomfortably chilly against her bare feet, the cold metal reflecting the white, sterile light of the overhead lamps. Cosima knows Dr Amun, picked her personally for this, and the doctor is nothing but coolly professional with the way she firmly spreads her legs and slides the speculum inside of her. Even so Cosima is feeling exposed and more than a little uncomfortable. It is a frightening, monumental thing they are doing here, for her, for them, for the world. Delphine is there, a steady presence at her side, her fingers firmly entwined with Cosima's. She presses a kiss to Cosima's palm, and another to her lips, wipes away a tear Cosima did not know she had shed.

“Everything will be all right,” Delphine says. She is smiling, but in her eyes is concern for Cosima. “Just say the word and we will interrupt this. Anytime.”

Cosima swallows and nods. That was her first and most important ground rule: she will have the right to abort this, if and whenever she wants to.

“I want this,” she whispers to Delphine. “So much. But there is a part of me that... that thinks it is wrong, doing this to her.” What DYAD did to me, Cosima does not add because she does not need to. Is there really any difference? If they do this and succeed, if Cosima bear this child to term, everything will change. She and Delphine will be parents, mothers to a genetically modified baby conceived by a technique that allows for two female X-chromosomes to be spliced together. A few years back Cosima thought that she was dying; now she may be bringing a whole new life into the world.

Dr Amun is finished with her examination and says, “You are ready.” Next to the dector's elbow, in a petri dish, is Cosima's fertilized egg, ready to return to her womb and grow into a child.

“Okay,” Cosima says with a determined nod. “I'm ready too.” She isn't, not one hundred percent, but this is how close she will ever get.

Delphine leans her forehead against Cosima's and remains bent over her, whispering reassurances and sweet nonsense in French as Dr Amun works.

“There,” Dr Amun says after a long moment. “It's done.” She smiles. “Let us hope it takes.”

It is done.

Cosima lifts her hand, fingertips caressing gently along Delphine's jaw. “I just totally let you try and knock me up,” she says and Delphine smiles through the faint gleam of tears in her eyes.

 

Ever since the succesful treatment of her sickness, Cosima's period has been spot on, every month. Never early, never late. As she pulls down her panties and sits down on the toilet she realises, when she sees the fabric empty of bloodstains, that she had expected it to come this month as well.

It hasn't, because she is pregnant. With child. She has a sci-fi bun in the oven.

As she washes her hands, she looks into the face in the mirror. She looks tired from having just woken up and feels, as always, naked and van without her make-up on.

She looks into the mirror and wonders what she is, above all: scientist, mother, or experiment.

Delphine is in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the paper. She returns the kiss Cosima bends down to give her and gives her a smile before returning to the paper.

Cosima turns to the fridge, but then changes her mind and turns back to her wife. “I didn't get my period,” she says and Delphine looks up again. “It may be late, of course, but I don't think so. I think it took.”

Delphine puts the paper down slowly and stands up, takes Cosima's hands in hers. “How do you feel?” Her thumbs circle soothingly across Cosima's palms.

Cosima shrugs. “Dunno. Preggers?” She snorts, even though it wasn't that funny. “We're having a baby, Delphine.” And with that, she bursts into tears. She is pretty sure they are happy tears, because she can feel herself smiling and there is a warm feeling spreading inside of her, causing her heart to feel like it is expanding in her chest.

She hugs Delphine close to her and they are laughing together, laughing and crying, and kissing through it all.

 

Kira demands to see Cosima's stomach, even though they haven't told her about the pregnancy and she isn't showing it all yet. Cosima has long since stopped wondering over the wonder that is Kira (or, rather, Sarah made her) and lies down on the couch. Solemnly, Kira pokes and prods at her stomach and Cosima giggles because it tickles. “Is it my sister or my niece?” Kira asks when she is done, and it is a good question really. Genetically the child might as well be Kira's sister.

“Whatever you want her to be, monkey,” Cosima says, pulling her top back down.

“So, when will men be able to have children with each other?” Felix asks, sitting down next to her on the couch. “Do you have a timeframe for that yet?”

“Why?” Cosima prods as Felix's thigh with her toe. “You looking to get pregnant?”

“God, no,” Felix says.

“That would be something,” Sarah says, plopping down next to Felix. “How are you feeling, growing a lizard-baby in there, Cos?”

“Well, you should know,” Cosima retaliates. She reaches out and grabs one of the cookies on the coffee table. She is mostly off coffee and completely off pot, but she refuses to give up unhealthy sugary treats.

“Yeah, at least I didn't do it knowingly,” Sarah says and her words sting, a little bit. She and Sarah have had many discussion about this, back and forth, and Cosima knows that Sarah is supporting her decision, but that doesn't mean that she has forgotten what DYAD did to them. None of them ever will.

“Sorry,” Sarah says, reaching out to pat Cosima's foot. “I'm happy for you and I can't wait to meet your daughter, but just... don't do a DYAD, okay, Cos?”

“I won't,” she says and grabs another cookie, crumbling it between her fingers.

 

When she dresses for work, her bra only barely fits, the cups too snug around her swollen and tender breasts. Besides her missed period, it is really the first bodily sign of her pregnancy and she pauses.

“Well, now I have the largest boobs for sure,” she tells the empty bedroom. It's too early for her to start showing, she knows, but even so she twists and turns in front of the mirror to look from every angle. Her stomach is still as flat as it was before, betraying nothing of the child growing within.

It began as an experiment, really. A late night in the lab had turned into a rambling discussion of what ifs. They had all the clone-data, as Cosima very scientifically had labelled it, and why not look it over, give it a shot? At that point, they never actually considered that they would _succeed_ – not for a long while at least. They may be laying the foundation for something that someone else might build on upon a day, but nothing more. But the further they delved into it, the harder it was to stop. They had talked about children once or twice, briefly and always in a fleeing, non-committal manner. And then they cracked the formula. It was not completely unprecedented, of course. It had been done with mice before. But they managed to go far beyond that.

What scares Cosima is that she doesn't know if she is doing this because she wants to have a child or because she is simply unable turn away at this point, when they have come so far.

If it is the latter, is she, is this, any different from what the DYAD did when they created her and her genetic identicals? She knows how she has suffered from it, how Sarah, Helena, Rachel, Beth, Katja and Jennifer all have suffered from it. They may have overturned it, but there is still a patent embedded in her DNA, a patent she will pass on to her daughter. She looked over the genetic material several times, almost obsessively, before she allowed the insemination but even so she fears that they may have put something in there, that there will be something in her daughter's very DNA that could render her someone else's property.

She wonders if she is carrying a child or a scientific experiment. She wonders what the fetus in her womb is to her and if she will be able to carry it to term. She wonders if the girl will have Delphine's eyes or perhaps her smile.

She stands a long time in front of the mirror, long enough to make her even more late than usual.

 

A friend from Paris is in town and Delphine comes home late after having dinner with her. Cosima is already in her pajamas, but she meets Delphine at the door. She tastes of wine and chocolate and Cosima presses up against her, the need that has been simmering inside of her during the whole evening reaching its boiling point.

Delphine's coat drop to the floor and they stumble into the bedroom, still kissing, Cosima's hands working at the zip in Delphine's dress. Delphine pushes her down gently on the bed and takes the dress off before following her, blanketing her with her body. She peppers Cosima's throat with small, biting kisses, tongue licking along her collarbone as her hands slide under her shirt. Normally Cosima loves this, being spread out and slowly destroyed beneath Delphine's skilful hands, but tonight she is too wet, too hungry for it and so she impatiently shoves her sleeping shorts off and grabs Delphine's wrist, guides her hand between her legs.

“ _Ma chérie_ ,” Delphine breathes as her fingers slip beneath Cosima's underwear and feel how wet she is. She kisses Cosima again and her fingers begin to circle against her clit, Cosima's hips pushing helplessly against her. Hands grabbing hold of Delphine's shoulders, she groans hoarsely as Delphine starts kissing her throat and up to her mouth, tongue sliding warmly across Cosima's lips.

After so many years together, Delphine knows how to work her wife's body, and so she has her crying out from her orgasm in no time, the sound eagerly swallowed by Delphine's mouth. Cosima pulls in several heavy breaths, her hands smoothing down over Delphine's back. They lay still and quiet for a long moment in each others arms before Delphine reaches down and pulls Cosima's shirt up and over her head.

“Yes,” Cosima mumbles. “More naked.” She undoes the clasp of Delphine's bra and slips her hands beneath her panties to grab at her ass.

Delphine rolls her eyes playfully at her and divests them both of their underwear. Cosima gasps, rakes her nails up Delphine's back at the wet pressure as Delphine curls a hand around Cosima's breast and sucks her nipple into her mouth.

“Come here,” Cosima says, shifting purposefully on the bed. Delphine reaches up to kiss her again and Cosima slides her leg between Delphine's, pushing her thigh against her cunt. She is wet and the small moans she makes as Cosima rubs against her sends warm tingles through Cosima's entire body. Delphine rolls her hips against her, mirroring the way Cosima has her leg pressed against her, and Cosima gasps as the soft skin of Delphine's thigh drag against her cunt.

Cosima winds her arms against Delphine and whispers “I love you,” to her, over and over again, into her ear and her mouth, against her cheek and her throat. She does not know if Delphine replies and it does not matter because Delphine holds her close, hips moving against her, and kisses every part of Cosima until Cosima falls apart again in her arms.

 

“Hey,” Cosima says, nudging against Delphine with her knee. “Morning, my sunshine.” It is Saturday and the first time Delphine has time to sleep in for almost a week so she doesn't take too kindly at Cosima's attempts to wake her. She grunts and grumbles, but eventually turns and squints sleepily up at Cosima. “What?”

“Here.” Cosima nods to her stomach, sleeping top pulled up to bare it. “Look.” In the morning light, there is a small but unmistakable curve to it. Delphine draws in a breath and slides her hand along it, a look of pure wonder crossing her face.

“Yup, it's real,” Cosima says in reply to Delphine's awe-struck gaze. “I'm carrying your baby. Oh, jesus christ, I'm carrying your baby.”

Delphine laughs and blows a raspberry on her stomach.

“Dork,” Cosima says, carding her fingers through Delphine's hair.

“Shut up,” Delphine says and does it again and Cosima leans back and smiles up at the ceiling, Delphine's breath fanning across the taut skin of her stomach.

 

“No morning sickness? At all?” Sarah says. “I was puking non-stop, twnety-four seven, for the first months. Lucky twat.”

They're out having lunch together; Cosima is still sometimes struck by how weird it feels to simply be hanging out with Sarah, without any kind of clone-related, life-threatening emergency forcing them together.

She shakes her head. “Nope. Everything seems to be going smoothly.”

“That's good,” Sarah says. “How far along are you? Four months?”

“Yep.”

“You have any ultrasound pics for me?”

“Oh, right!” Cosima grabs her bag off the floor and digs through it until she finds the folder she put them in to avoid having them bend or scratch. “Here she is,” she says, handing them over. “There's one for Felix as well.”

Sarah laughs. “I was gonna ask how you could possibly check the gender that early,” she says. “Stupid of me.” She studies the images with a soft smile. “She looks alright,” she says. “Kinda like a potato.”

“Must be Delphine's genes,” Cosima says and Sarah snorts delightfully. She and Delphine still hasn't quite warmed up to each other.

“Have you talked to Alison, by the way?” Sarah asks.

“Yeah, she's fine. I think she's met someone but she wouldn't tell me.” Cosima grins. “She's making another musical so it might be one of the other actors.”

“Another musical?” Sarah grimaces.

“Yeah, you will probably have to come down and see it,” Cosima says. After everything went down, Alison took her children and moved to New York, needing some distance from her incarcerated ex-husband to rebuild her family.

“What about you?” Sarah says.

“I'm totally pregnant and delicate,” Cosima says. “No chance.”

 

Cosima does not tell her parents until she is four months along. They are shocked and thrilled and immediately books a trip to Toronto. Her mother has been ridiculously charmed by Delphine ever since the first time she met her and she spends many minutes patting Cosima's belly and telling them what a beautiful baby they will make. Neither of her parents seems even the slightest concerned about the moral implications of what they are doing, trusting their daughter and daughter-in-law implicitly, and Cosima feels a lump form in her chest, worrying that their confidence might be misplaced.

“Have you thought about names?” her father asks.

They have, a lot. “We haven't decided anything yet,” Cosima says.

“It's a bit difficult,” Delphine adds, “naming a scientific miracle.” She smiles brightly at Cosima, but Cosima returns it only with effort.

After dinner, Delphine and Joanna decides to take a walk together and Cosima and Geoff curls up on the couch, a documentary about seals running on the TV.

“You know,” he says, “we wanted children so badly, but we couldn't have them and couldn't afford in-vitro. When DYAD...”

“Dad,” Cosima says.

“Just listen,” Geoff says. “When they came to us with their offer, we said yes immediately. We didn't care about how they had found us. We didn't care about where you came from or why they wanted to do this. We just wanted you.” He kisses her forehead. “I have never regretted that decision, because you are the best thing in my life, darling. But when I think about it – the patent, the monitoring, all that happened to you and your sisters – I wish we had thought things through a little more. Gotten better informed instead of rushing into it.” He pauses, briefly. “I can see that you are scared about doing this for the wrong reasons, love. But at least you're making an informed decision. We did it purely out of want for a child and that blinded us. No one could ever be objective about something like this, but at least you will not make the same mistake we did.”

“But what if I'm only doing this because of the scientist in me? I'm bringing a child into the world, dad. I can't do that for purely scientific reasons. That's terrible.” Tears prick her eyes. “That would mean I'm no better than DYAD.”

“If you had done it for purely scientific reasons, you wouldn't have tried it with you and Delphine and carried her yourself,” Geoff says calmly, hand stroking across her hair. “If there is anyone who should do this, it is you. You are in the same position as her – you are the only one, except for your sisters, who will ever know what she will be going through as she grows up and learns of her origins. You are making the decisions that is best for her, like any good parent should.”

“I'm doing this to be in control,” Cosima says. “Delphine could have carried her. I wanted to do it so that I could end it if I couldn't handle it.”

“And that was a good decision,” her father says. “If you can't handle it, you shouldn't do it. You have struggled for so long for the right to your own biology, so naturally it is something that is hard for you to in any way let go off.”

Cosima nods slowly and turns to bury her face in her dad's sweater, feeling every inch the little girl that once upon a time could easily fit into his lap and had no worries in the world. “Thank you, dad,” she says.

 

They are in the kitchen, making a quick and easy chicken salad for dinner, when Delphine feels the baby kick for the first time. Cosima has been feeling her for a while, small flutters and movements against the inside of her skin. “It's, like, weird,” she tried explaining to Delphine when she asked what it felt like. “Something's totally moving in there.”

As usual, Cosima grabs Delphine's hand when she feels the fluttering begin and places it on her rounded stomach. She doesn't even have to ask – the look in Delphine's eyes is enough to tell her that this time she can feel their baby girl.

“She is really in there,” Delphine says, her voice soft but filled with awe.

“Well, I should hope so,” Cosima says and laughs, patting the side of her stomach with one hand. She has popped out quite a bit in the last few weeks and her usually loose shirts are growing increasingly snug over the curve of her stomach. Delphine has gotten her extenders for her jeans so except for a few new purchases she is still wearing her usual wardrobe and hopes that she will be able to keep doing that during the entire pregnancy.

“She sure is tumbling around,” Delphine says. Both her hands are on Cosima's stomach now, following the movements of their daughter.

“Tell me about it,” Cosima says and reaches up for a long, soft kiss. “I think she's telling us she's hungry,” she adds meaningfully.

“I don't want to move,” Delphine says.

Cosima inches away from her and turns, laughs outright as Delphine wraps her arms around her from behind. “She's getting bigger, Dr Cormier. Soon you won't have any trouble feeling her.” She sucks in a breath is surprise when Delphine's hands slide up to her boobs without warning, squeezing gently.

“Perhaps I want to be feeling _you_ now,” Delphine murmurs huskily in her ear and it's not fair, not when she knows how crazily the hormones are running in Cosima's body at the moment.

“Did that, like, turn you on, you weirdo?” she asks, leaning back against Delphine imperceptibly.

“You turn me on,” Delphine whispers in French, biting Cosima's earlobe and Cosima's hunger is magically gone, replaced by want for Delphine's hands and mouth on her.

Later, Delphine brings her the salad in bed and they eat it propped up against pillows watching STEM vids on Youtube, Delphine's hand resting warmly against Cosima's stomch.

 

After having worked late one night, Cosima comes home to find her wife in the currently spare bedroom, in the jeans she tore across the knee last summer and with yellow paint in her hair, looking wide-eyed.

“Hi,” Cosima says loudly from the doorway. “What's up, love?”

“Our baby will be here in less than three months,” Delphine tells her.

“Yeah, I'm aware,” Cosima says. “I'm the one who's gonna be pushing her out of my vagina so I'm sure I'll, like, notice.”

“Nothing is ready,” Delphine says.

“Now the walls are,” Cosima says, gesturing to the newly-painted room. “It's a lovely colour. Bright and kinda happy.”

“We need a crib,” Delphine says, clearly not listening to Cosima. “And diapers. And clothes, and...”

“We have clothes,” Cosima says. Enough to last them the first few months at least. It seems like it's completely impossible for them to hang out with any of their friends without being given some piece of baby clothing. Sarah gave them a miniature lab coat and Cosima actually squealed at the sight of it.

But Delphine is too busy freaking out to hear what she is saying and just keeps listing stuff they will need.

“A pram,” she says, ticking it off on her fingers. “Toys and bottles. Do you have nursing bras? We need bedding for the crib. And a baby monit...” She trails off with a grimace and seems to snap out of whatever stress-induced craze she was in. “Sorry,” she says to Cosima.

“It's alright,” Cosima says. “All that's behind us now.” She reaches up on tip-toe and presses a kiss to Delphine's forehead. “Take your time.” Delphine's hand moves to hold on to her, but Cosima backs away, out of the room. Delphine is entitled to panicking about the baby, but Cosima is tired and aching and she cannot deal with the unfortunate reminder of DYAD and how their relationship started out on top of that right this moment.

One episode of _Star Trek_ later, Delphine sinks down next to her on the couch. She has made an attempt to scrub the paint of her skin, with moderate success.

“You okay?” Cosima asks, shifting a little awkwardly on the couch to make room for Delphine to snuggle up next to her.

Delphine nods. “I should be asking you that,” she says. “I'm sorry, _mon amour_. I know this is hard for you.”

“Don't do that,” Cosima says. “We're both in this and you also have the right to, like, have feeling about it, even when they're non-good feelings. I'm just... a little fragile right now. And, just,” she sighs, “I can't worry about her room or her stuff when I'm to busy being terrified that she will have to live me. Like I did.” They have talked about this, back and forth, but that was before Cosima actually got pregnant. Ever since, they have been skirting the subject.

“We won't let that happen,” Delphine says, viciously decisive. “No one is going to hurt our little girl.”

Cosima pulls in a shuddering breath. “What if she gets sick?”

“We checked for everything, Cosima.” Delphine looks steadily at her. “We went through the genetic material over and over, none of your check-ups have shown anything, we...”

“What if she gets sick?” Cosima repeats mercilessly.

“She won't,” Delphine says. “We'll fix it. There is nothing you and I cannot do together.”

Cosima swallows, turns her face away from Delphine. “Would you have wanted her, even if she wasn't a miracle baby?”

“Yes,” Delphine says. “Yes. Yes. Of course I would. She's would be our miracle baby regardless of conception or, well, paternity.”

Cosima turns back and Delphine is right there, her lips warm and anchoring against Cosima's.

“I'm scared,” Cosima whispers.

“Of course you are,” Delphine says, giving her a tiny smile. “You are going to push a whole baby out of your vagina.”

Startled, Cosima laughs through her teary eyes. She throws her arms around Delphine's shoulders, hugs her close. “I love you so much,” she says.

 

They do get the baby stuff. They shop most of it in store rather than online and it takes some time since they want to pick it out together and shopping takes a heavy toll on Cosima. She has begun to suffer from PGP and while her symptoms are relatively benign compared to some of the horror stories she's heard, walking for longer period of times is deeply uncomfortable for her.

“I have an idea for an upcoming project,” Cosima says when they get home and she collapses down on the couch and begins grabbing pillows to shove under her body to relieve the ache in her pelvis. “Let's come up with a cure for this shit.”

“I'm on it,” Delphine promises from the hallway.

The doorbell rings and Cosima groans quietly, because she isn't really feeling up for company right now.

“Hello, crazy scientist number one,” she hears Felix voice say. “Where's the whale?”

“I totally hate you!” Cosima shouts at him and he snickers, sticks his head into the living room.

“No, you don't,” he says. “And you are so eating those words, because I am the best uncle your sci fi kid will ever have.” From behind his back, he brings out a big bag. “I'm even decorating her nursery.”

The bag is holding paintings, of course, three of them.

“Oh, Fe,” Cosima says, tearing up at the sight of the colorful canvases. One is a close-up of her stomach, showing the baby within. It should be creepy, but it isn't. The other one is some kind of fantasy creature with wings and a tail. The third one is an abstract painting of a twisting DNA double helix. Terribly scientifically inaccurate of course, but lovely nevertheless.

“They are very beautiful,” Delphine says. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Felix says. “With you two science geeks she will need some beauty in her life.” He throws his jacket over the back of the couch and sits down, lifting Cosima's feet up to put them in his lap. “So when are you gonna burst?”

“Not soon enough,” Cosima says with a sigh.

“You want something?” Delphine asks, smoothing a hand over her forehead. “Water?”

“Yes, please,” Cosima says, capturing Delphine's hand to press a kiss to her knuckles in thanks.

“Do you have a name yet?” Felix asks.

“Nope,” Cosima says.

“Bloody hell! It's, what, less than two months left? That kid needs a name.”

“We'll figure it out,” Cosima says.

 

When Cosima wakes on April 4, she knows that today is the day. The baby has grown so big that Cosima feels her with her every movement, pressing against the underside of her ribs or miniature knees and elbows pushing at her skin from the inside as she moves. The twinges of pain in her lower back and hips have intensified slowly during the week and she can feel how her body is strained to its breaking point, ready to bring their little girl into the world.

She makes Delphine stay home from work and Delphine sticks close all day, rubbing Cosima's back and feeling her swollen stomach, eager for any sign of their daughter. The water breaks at three pm and this is going to go quickly, she realises as the first contraction hits and is followed by another only six minutes later.

They call Dr Amun to have her in place at the hospital and then leave, Delphine's hands shaking to badly that she drops the car key when she tries to put it in the ignition. Cosima spends the entire ride with her legs uselessly crossed, pulling in sharp breaths and squeezing Delphine's free hand tightly.

They arrive at the hospital only minutes before Sarah, Felix, Mrs S and Cosima's parents, who Mrs S has been kind enough to house for the two weeks leading up to Cosima's estimated due date. She is only one day late and its a relief for all involved.

Everything is a blur. Somehow she is changed out of her clothes and into a hospital gown and told to walk around to relieve the labour pains after Dr Amun has examined her and found that she is only seven inches dilated. The baby, so very eager to come out only half an hour ago, seems to have changed her mind, opting to remain inside her mother for a while longer.

The waves of pain comes and goes and Cosima groans from it, her entire body aching with the need to get this over with. She is back on the bed, Dr Amun between her spread legs informing her that she is ten centimated dilated and that it is time to push. With the pain guiding her, it is easy to know how and when, but it is tough going and Cosima can hear low, grinding sounds of effort and pain coming from herself. Then there is a sudden, ringing emptiness in the hazy background noise and she gasps in panic.

“Did her heart stop?”

Delphine is there, one hand in Cosima's, the other wiping sweat of her forehead. “It was just a small blip,” she says. “But the faster she comes out, the better it is, okay, _ma chérie_?”

Cosima nods frantically, heart slamming in her chest, and she redoubles her efforts, pushes as hard as she is physically able and almost starts crying from relief when Dr Amun tells her that the head is showing, is crowning, is out. After that, it is easy, and when Cosima hears a faint cry from quickly expanding lungs, she does begin to cry.

She falls back to the bed as Delphine cuts the umbilical cord, and the next thing she knows she's holding her baby girl, washed and wrapped up, but still red and wrinkly and more beautiful than anything else in the whole world.

“Look at her,” Delphine says, her arms surrounding them both. “Look at what you did.”

“What we did,” Cosima says, because without Delphine neither Cosima nor their daughter would be here.

“This is, like, huge,” Cosima says and Delphine laughs at her, like she always does when Cosima's words fail to capture the enormity of a situation. It _is_ huge, and terrifying. She has a baby. She and Delphine has successfully created a child with two female X-chromosomes. She is a mother. Their daughter is a genetic wonder and Cosima is still trying to decide if she wants the world to know about her. It's _gargantuan_.

“Can we come in?” Sarah asks, sticking her in in through the door.

“Yes,” Cosima says, wiping at her eyes. “Come on in.”

They file in, all of them, cooing at the bundle in Cosima's arms.

“Can I hold her?” Joanna asks.

“Totally,” Cosima says and is about to hand her over when she realises that Delphine hasn't held her yet. “Sorry, I completely monopolized her,” she says apologetically to her wife. “You should go before Mom.”

Delphine smiles softly as she takes the baby, rocking her gently in her arms.

“Do we have a name?” Geoff asks, peering at his grandchild over Delphine's shoulder, hand reaching out to caress her small head carefully.

“We do,” Cosima says and braces herself a little before saying, “Her name is Carmenta Elizabeth Niehaus Cormier.”

“Alison's gonna bawl,” Sarah says, looking a little teary-eyed herself.

“Terrific choice of first name,” Felix says, simultaneously. “Because having two moms and being a freaking scientific miracle doesn't set her apart enough.”

“We're going to call her Carrie,” Cosima says with a roll of her eyes.

“I wonder if she can regrow limbs,” Sarah says.

 

**12 months later**

Cosima opens the door and sees a flash of Kira before the girl swoops past her into the house, yelling “Hello, Carmenta Elizabeth!”

“She's in the living room,” Cosima yells after her and hugs Sarah and Felix in greeting as they follow Kira through the door. Carrie is learning to walk and so the living room with the low coffee table she can hold on to is her favorite room at the moment.

“Christ, she just grows and grows,” Sarah says as she sees her. “Hey, cutie pie.”

Carrie ignores both her and Kira to waddle over to Felix, arms lifting in a quiet demand. She makes a happy noise when Felix lifts her up and thus brings his shiny necklaces into reach.

“I'm feeling used,” Felix says, but Cosima knows for a fact that he puts on his biggest and most sparkly necklaces whenever he's meeting Carrie.

“Liar,” she tells him.

“ _Bonjour_ ,” Delphine says, stepping into the living room. She wraps her arms around Cosima. “Sorry, I had to take a phone call.”

“The test results?” Sarah asks.

“Nope, we got those yesterday,” Cosima says.

“And?”

She shrugs. “Seems like she's still human.” Her tone is light, but for every test that they make that show that there is nothing unusual with their daughter, a knot in her stomach loosens. She looks at Carrie, giggling as she plays with her uncles jewelery, her hazel eyes (Delphine's eyes) shining with glee, and even though she cannot in any way regret their decision to bring her into the world, she is still wondering if it is fair to her. If she is going to wake up in a lab one day with people prodding her, trying to figure out how she works and how she came into being. Or if she will be forced into the lab by some genetic defect they missed, the clock ticking as she tries to figure out her own configuration in order to stay alive.

Cosima is sometimes so scared for her little girl and her future that she cannot breathe from it, and yet she will never regret having her.

“What would you do if she turns out to be a humanities scholar?” Felix asks and Cosima laughs and squeezes Delphine's hand, fiercely hoping that that will be their biggest concern as she grows up.

“You know,” Sarah says, eyes on Carrie and one hand playing with Kira's hair, “that nothing will every happen to them, right? We won't let it. Neither of us will.”

“I know,” Cosima says.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A few notes:
> 
> Helena and Rachel are not dead. I just couldn't figure out how to fit them into this, so I simply, eh, left them out.
> 
> Yes, Cosima told her parents all about the clone business somewhere along the line, after everything had been solved in everyone's best interest and no one got hurt and everyone lived (ESPECIALLY COSIMA).
> 
> The name: according to Wikipedia, Carmenta was the Roman goddess of "childbirth and prophecy, associated with technological invention as well as the protection of mothers and children," and I couldn't resist.
> 
> also, come say hi on [tumblr](http://wariangle.tumblr.com/)!


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